Wednesday, August 28, 2019

⍚ Put the top down when it's 15 degrees and the sun is shining. Ragtops look dumb when it's rag-top weather and the top is up.

⍚ Never drive with the windows up if the top is down! That's like putting a pocket protector in your pocket, with pens in it!

⍚ Always put the tonneau cover on. Looks naked and ugly without it. Your wife won't go out without make-up, why should your car?

⍚ Don't know what a tonneau cover is? Don't drive a convertible

⍚ If your car stereo is >200 watts, and sounds good, turn up the volume, otherwise shut the system off and listen to your exhaust

⍚ Never play the radio at 200 watts. Play your CD, Ipad, etc, only, preferably good ol' rock and roll. In a Mercedes, play classical musical; in a Jeep, jazz and rap; in an old rag-top try golden oldies, but in a late-model high-powered Stang, only rock will suffice.

⍚ Don't smile at people when they are staring at the good looks of your car (or is it your woman?) In either case they are probably jealous and you smiling at them will only provoke them into doing something rash, like killing you.

⍚ Are you cruising, with all the above rules being followed? Yes? Well don't kitchen-table gab to your passenger.

⍚   Cruising is for enjoying the scenery in your rag-top and showing off! Talk when you get home, if you must

⍚ Dress properly (T-shirt obviously) and SHAVE!   Ragtop drivers are not bums.

⍚   Don't pick your nose for Pete's sake!

⍚ Drive the speed limit, never, never under it. Ragtops make you feel young, so drive like a young person. You can go over the limit if you want, subject to the requirements of the local police, of course.

⍚ Always wave to the opposite sex if they wave to you. They must wave first. If you start, it looks like you're bragging and they will spit at you, or their boyfriends will kill you.

⍚   You should always cruise by a junior or high school, and local colleges. The kids like convertibles. Tell them you got it by "staying in school" and "saying no to drugs". Do your part, but don't over-do it. See previous tip.

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